Dating Confidently: Path to Love

Humility is a Virtue is….Outdated

Growing up, I was taught by my Chinese parents that humility was virtue.  When you heard someone bragging shamelessly about themselves to others with very little basis other than their own self-importance, you’d often hear whispered comments that they were sticking gold pieces on their face. Yet, fear of seeming boastful can also hinder people from being genuinely proud about themselves too. It’s about finding the balance of showing your true self to find your own true match.

There is a Chinese chengyu that I write about in my book Ancient Wisdom Modern Love. It’s 脸上贴金 which translates as “sticking gold pieces on your face” which originally poked fun at people bragging about themselves. But the reality is that our society does not reward excessive humility - and moreover, we should be proud about our own accomplishments. Of course, don’t over do it - but you get the point. [💡Great Dates: First Date Success ]

In the Context of Dating

When two people meet on a date, there’s a fine line between sharing one’s positive qualities and accomplishments and being annoying and bragging. Sometimes my Asian clients can't wait to share their accomplishments - executive positions, expensive cars, glamorous trips, and shiny white teeth. When it comes across as preening, it’s considered laughable and unattractive.

The flip side is that many, especially Asians, can overcompensate and then come across as being very self-deprecating or so modest, that their personalities don’t shine. It’s a balance to be proud of one’s own accomplishments and let people get to know what is special about you, yet not annoy others with oblivious bragging. 

Real Life Examples

We all have had or heard about friends whose dates go askew where often one person doesn't share much about herself and lets the other person take over the conversation. Without genuine sharing, the date can’t blossom. 

Earlier on, a wonderfully talented lawyer came to us looking for love. He was an excellent conversationalist and quite accomplished regaling us with stories of his successes. However, that grew old quickly and his dating success dropped sharply by the 3rd date. After some evaluation, it was clear that in his energetic discourse he was not letting his dates reveal their own thoughts or opinions and that a nudge to sit back was gently appreciated.

 Also, we often try to be knowledgeable and helpful wanting to share our own experience and expertise yet do not fully realize that our date is not necessarily assessing us on that but rather on compatibility and day-to-day rhythms and living together in harmony. [💡Checklist of Love: What to Look for in a Partner ]

Confident Dating Leads to Love

Actions: Dating Confidently and Authentically Leads to Love

How we present ourselves influences what we attract back. Being your authentic self, and dating confidently is so important. Often, especially with Asians, we feel that confidence could be construed as bragging and are admonished often by our parents to be humble - that being otherwise is Sticking Gold on our Faces. Well, in today's dating scene, it's important to break out of that pattern.

A good way to begin is through self-reflection and self-acceptance. Take time to understand and appreciate your own qualities, strengths, and values. Embrace your uniqueness and recognize that everyone has flaws and imperfections, and it's a part of being human. 

You can build on this positive mindset by focusing on your strengths and the positive aspects of dating. Maintaining good posture and using open and positive body language will further help you stay in that healthy headspace during dates. 

Next, challenge yourself to gradually step outside of your comfort zone in social situations. For example, you can practice initiating conversations and small talk with new people. While you should push yourself to make progress, remember to set achievable goals, such as attending social events or trying new activities, so you can build your social confidence without getting overwhelmed. [ 💬 Quick Chat with Relationship Expert ]

Building healthy self-confidence is a process, and it takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and approach dating with a positive and authentic mindset.

Resources are available for those interested in exploring these fascinating dynamics. Visit Ancient Wisdom Modern Love for more insights on navigating intercultural relationships. This platform provides guidance and support for those embarking on their journey in the diverse dating world.

Love Chinese Chengyu - witty phrases? Read more at www.cassindybook.com. [💡Hiring a Matchmaker ]