Don’t Worry - You Will Find Your Match
Perspective Matters in Finding Great People.
There is a humorous phrase from my book Ancient Wisdom Modern Love. It’s 鸡飞狗跳 which translates as “chickens flying, dogs jumping”. This chengyu always made me laugh as a child picturing flying chickens. But the meaning is quite serious even if the imagery is not! The day chickens can fly, and dogs can jump will certainly be a big mess. Don’t panic. These moments will undoubtedly happen. Stay the course, stay focused, ignore the distraction, and keep moving forward. Think about it: you only need one great person as a partner. Keep working at finding a relationship that works for you, and love will eventually follow.
In the Context of Dating
The media is alternately filled with stories of chance encounters that lead to instant, everlasting love and first dates that go horribly wrong. There is more to romance than that! We all know, online dating encourages all sorts of inconsiderate behavior. Well-meaning parents and friends ask who you’ve met and when you’ll settle down. You “connect” with someone on a dating app only to get ghosted. You see your friends meeting people, but you aren’t. All of this feeds into our natural anxiety around dating and relationship building.
Anxiety leads to panic and panic rarely leads to a good outcome. For example, a client has one bad date, immediately adopts the mindset that there is no one great out there, and then carries that negativity into future dates which then don’t go well. Or a client has a great first date, launches headlong into planning a fully formed future relationship and arrives at the second date with impossible expectations. Or 10 minutes into a date a client isn’t feeling it and is already thinking about swiping through a new batch of options. I remind them that there are many great people out there, and sometimes it takes a little more time and effort to find them, because it’s worth it. Being anxious or panicky is counterproductive to making deep connections. [💡How Many Dates Before a Relationship? Your Love Timeline ]
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Actions: Friends, Family & Matchmakers Help YOU find YOUR Love
In my practice, many of our clients come to us because they are simply exhausted by online dating. The swiping, sorting, messaging, photo filtering, and ghosting is frustrating for everyone. Statistics show that it takes about 11 hours of online activity to get to a date. As matchmakers, we do all the heavy lifting, so clients can delight in meeting people handpicked for them. Secure in the knowledge that their date has been vetted in advance, they are able to focus on enjoying their date and be receptive to meeting that special person.
Recently, I worked with a wonderful client who was a very successful doctor with a thriving practice who was ready to meet someone and settle down. He threw himself into online dating with the same zeal he applied to his busy professional life. In his race to find “the one,” dating became an overwhelming chore. We started to work together and after a little while it was clear to me that he was so anxious about the outcome of the process, that he was restless and unfocused on the journey. He wasn’t enjoying himself and that was evident to his dates. When you are not in right frame of mind to date well – you can’t expect your dates to go well! [💡Exploring Relationship Compatibility: Matchmaker Cassindy’'s Tips ]
So, we took a pause for two months for him to recalibrate. Almost immediately after restarting, he was refreshed, enthusiastic and curious about the great date I presented to him, and we found him the “one”. With both people receptive to meeting and a shared, positive mindset, sparks flew fast!
Your Dating Action Plan for Success
Dating can be challenging, and it's common to feel discouraged at times. But trust us, at Ancient Wisdom Modern Love, we've helped so many people find love. Don't give up, work at it - it's worth it. Here are three tips to help you stay positive and not give up on the dating process:
Learn From Experiences
View each date and interaction as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you're looking for in a partner. After dates, reflect on your experiences, both positive and negative, and identify lessons that can guide your future dating decisions. It’s important to understand that not every date will lead to a lasting connection, but each one can contribute to your personal growth.
Set Realistic Expectations
Avoid placing excessive pressure on yourself or expecting every date to be a perfect match. Building meaningful connections takes time, and not every relationship will be a romantic success. Instead, you should focus on enjoying the journey of getting to know different people rather than solely aiming for a specific outcome.
Take Breaks When Needed
It's okay to take breaks from dating if you feel overwhelmed or fatigued. Prioritize self-care and ensure you are in a positive mindset before diving back into the dating scene. You can use breaks to focus on personal hobbies, interests, and relationships with friends and family, helping you maintain a balanced and fulfilling life.
Everyone's dating journey is unique, and it's important to be patient with yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, and stay open to the possibilities that each new interaction brings. [ 💬 Quick Chat with Relationship Expert ]
Resources are available for those interested in exploring these fascinating dynamics. Visit Ancient Wisdom Modern Love for more insights on navigating intercultural relationships. This platform provides guidance and support for those embarking on their journey in the diverse dating world.
Love Chinese Chengyu - witty phrases? Read more at www.cassindysbook.com. [ ☎ A Quick Call With Your Matchmaker ]